.
[layerslider_vc id=”1″]
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLING AND COUPLES COUNSELLING
What is relationship counselling and how can it help me?
Relationship counselling can often mean couples counselling, but it can also include all kinds of other relationships such as with family members, work colleagues, friends and so on. The aim of relationship counselling is to help recognise, and better manage or reconcile difficulties between those within the relationship.
If you are experiencing relationship issues, you may find it beneficial to attend relationship counselling sessions. Please read below to find out more about what type of therapy would suit you best.
Conflict in a relationship is growth trying to take place…
And it is perfectly normal and part of growth in a relationship for conflict to occur.
Conflict is enevitable in any relationship and varies in degree. Relationship counselling will help you work through this conflict, and start the process of personal growth and healing. If you are experiencing conflict in your relationship with your partner or spouse, finding someone else does not solve the problem. This is because the root of the problem often lies within yourself. Therefore you’ll only be taking the same or similar problems and behaviours into the new relationship.
Conflict in relationships at some time or other is inevitable because your emotional development needs to happen. Consequently your subconscious mind is compelled to bring you to similar situations until you resolve these issues. Once these issues are resolved you can then move on to grow into the person you are meant to be. Relationship counselling will help you explore these issues.
Enquire Now
Contact me today and ask about relationship counselling
I can help you get started on building a better future together
Couples Counselling
Couples counselling
focuses on improving communication and resolving issues within an intimiate relationship. It involves therapy for both people with the relationship. It is hard to acknowlege that there are difficulties within your marriage or with your partner but if you can agree together to seek help together to try and resolve the issues it demonstrates that you care about the relationship. If you both want to do something about it, then there is hope that things can change.
Having said that however, often a partner is reluctant to attend sessions with you. Don’t let this deter you for you can speak to me on your own to begin with. After you have had a few appointments on your own your partner may want to join you. Some people find it helpful to have individual sessions in between couple sessions. It is important you do what works for you best.
You may find the thought of attending couples counselling daunting, however I can assure you both, that you will be working with an experienced professional. Couples counselling with me will provide you the opportunity to explore the difficulties you face in a safe, impartial and non-judgemental environment. I will give both of you equal time and space to talk about your perspective on the situation and you will have opportunity to gain an understanding of your partners view.
If any of the following apply, relationship counselling may be the answer:
Do you feel invisible and not listened to by your partner or spouse?
Is there always a winner or a loser in your arguments with your partner/spouse?
Are your partner’s habits making you feel frustrated and angry?
Is a criticism, sarcasm and blame frequent occurrence in your relationship?
Do you walk on eggshells, frightened to trigger of an adverse reaction in your partner?
Do you feel you have no voice, dominated and controlled by your partner?
You wonder what has happened to those feelings of romantic love that was once such a part of your relationship?
Do you avoid your partner and feel unhappy in your relationship?
Are you feeling hurt and rejected by your partner?
Attraction - How does it happen?
Unconsious Attraction
Most people believe that we choose the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, and it may be true that you have a mental list (or even a written one) of the qualities you are looking for in finding your perfect partner. This list may include specific behaviours, or it may be about their appearance, or even a combination of both. Most of us do this to some extent.
Well, I’m about to tip this notion of having a choice on the head. Attraction to another person has very little to do with conscious choice. It has everything to do with complex subconscious needs that you and I have to resolve in order for us to complete our personal growth and attain wholeness. There is some very good research around to suggest that we are unconsciously attracted to another person, and that he or she is to us.
We can find clues to support this view in our everyday language about love. The common description of ‘falling in love’ and ‘falling head over heels’ are terms that imply that we have little or no control when it comes to matters of the heart. Sometimes we even enter a relationship against our better judgment. Some people experience ‘love at first sight’ and even for couples who have known each other a while, there is a moment of sudden relisation that ‘they have fallen in love’. Love therefore is described as something that happens to us, a deeply complex subconscious event…beyond our control.
So why does love happen?
Our subconscious mind is compelled to find a person whose qualities match those of our early caregivers or parents. These qualities are usually a mixture of both positive and negative traits or characteristics that are found in both caregivers. This is because your subconscious wants to resolve unmet needs and heal wounds from your childhood, and believes the only people that can do this are ones that hold similar traits to your early caregivers.
Completeness
Your subsconscious does not operate in linear time, so when you meet someone who has these qualities, your mind immediately relates to them and connects them bringing your past into your present. This explains why you and I experience feelings of familiarity when we meet the person who feels right for us.
Some people describe this familiarity, by expressing they have “known” their partner all their life even though they have just met. Other’s have a feeling of being ‘complete’ feeling whole when they are with this person. This is because your subconscious recognizes traits from your early caregivers within your partner. Hence the feeling of deep intimacy and completeness.
Romantic Love – The First Stage
When you experience romantic love, you believe you’ve met the person you’ve been waiting for all your life. You have met the man or woman of your dreams, life is wonderful, you feel alive and full of energy. Life is full of anticipation. You feel great and generally create happiness wherever you go. You do all you can to please your partner, going the extra mile and taking greater effort with your appearance. He or she is constantly in your thoughts and when you’re apart you’re texting and phoning, just to have that contact. You’ve finally found “The One” and you believe and want these feelings to last forever.
You are ecstatic because your subconscious has found the perfect match for you and your healing and growth into wholeness can commence. Your brain releases chemicals causing you to experience loss of appetite, sleep disturbance and inability to concentrate. In addition you may experience an increase in energy, sexual desire and general feelings of well-being.
Dissappointment and Concern
Things go along nicely for a while, then gradually start to simmer down. You enter the second stage of a relationship and start to experience disappointment and concern.
You notice the flaws in the other person that you had previously overlooked, and now begin to irritate you. Also you may start to feel frustrated and disappointed with his or her behaviour. A common frustration may be that you just can’t understand why he/she does not intuitively know what you need, want or how you feel. You sense your partner is behaving and feeling differently towards you. You may even fear they are losing interest in you and even ‘falling out of love’ with you. Additionally, passion and sexual desire may lessen, and you may feel your love for your partner is dying. Sometimes you may even think that you chose the ‘wrong’ partner and made a mistake.
The reality is that you are subconsciously realizing that your partner cannot meet your unresolved needs from childhood. Furthermore, it is this disappointment that causes inner distress and insecurity, and you start to protect yourself. This stage is often called ‘the power struggle’ where winning an argument, or being right becomes more important than listening to each other, and working towards the loving relationship you both want.
Conflict and Strife
Your brain no longer releases those ‘feel good’ chemicals, and your relationship is a hotbed of criticism, sarcasm, blame, anger and resentment. Demonstrations of love and affection become less frequent; and respect and appreciation for each other disappears – all deepening the affect of rejection and unhappiness. At this point, many people prefer to avoid their partner’s company as often as they can by immersing themselves in work, sport, recreation interests, TV and the internet. This is the stage when some people may have an affair in an attempt to meet their needs and avoid the stress in their relationship.
If this resonates with you, don’t lose hope
Too many couples feel the only answer is to end the relationship or separate for a while. Or alternatively they may resign themselves to a workable arrangement, such as staying together for the sake of the children or for financial reasons. Relationship counselling will help you focus on what you need from the relationship with your partner or spouse. Furthermore it will give you the skills to resolve conflict and improve communication.
FREE EBook
Get your copy today
Fill in your details below to get your copy of '46 Things People do to Sabotage their Relationship'You can download this ebook now - it's completely FREE
A handy insight into the most common and not so common things that people unconsiously do to sabotage their relationships. Jackie Hill lists each insight, and provides the things you can do instead.
Self-awareness is key to change. This handy little book will help you increase your self-awareness and offers helpful tips on how to avoid sabotaging your relationships.
What makes a relationship last
Every relationship is unique, however there are several characteristics that can help to form a strong relationship. These are:
Trust
Relationships are built on trust. This is essential for good communication and forming strong bonds so make sure you are honest with each other. Trust and honesty are key to any long-lasting relationship. You should be able to share your most intimate thoughts and feelings with your loved one. This is essential for good communication and forming strong bonds. Seek help if there are trust issues in your relationship. Couples counselling will give you the opportunity to be open and honest with each other in a safe and supportive environment.
Friendship
Find interests that you can pursue together. This will give you something to be excited about as well as a shared passion. If you are stuck for ideas – consider these; weekly dance classes, find a hobby you both like, learn a new language, join evening classes. Don’t forget to take time to talk. Life can be busy so make a concerted effort to talk to each other every day. Ask each other about the day you’ve had. When you talk make sure your partner has your undivided attention. No gazing at the TV or checking your phone!
Healthy Sex
It’s quite common for couples to get into a sexual rut. Familiarity in a relationship can after a time mean sex becomes predictable, stale and routine. Whilst lovemaking may not be as it was in the beginning of your relationship you can still add excitement and intimacy. Don’t always do the same old things that you’ve always done. Try new positions, new places, and different times. For example think about checking in a hotel in the middle of the afternoon.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is very important if you want to be in a long-lasting relationship. Accepting your loved one’s apology and learning to apologize yourself if you’ve done something wrong opens the door to reconciliation. Unfortunately forgetting and forgiving a person’s behavior in difficult times goes against our natural inclination.
The human mind always remembers negative experiences over positive ones. So be aware that holding on to what your partner carelessly said adds up over time. To avoid this build up, you must make a conscious effort to forgive. Be determined to find a solution to enable you to forgive and forget. This way you will get back into control of your current situation.
Mindfulness
Never take your loved one for granted. Become mindful of all that you do and say. Negative comments and emotions affect others. Compliment your loved one often and thank him/her for who they are and what they do.
Mutual Respect
Understanding each other’s needs and values is important in establishing a good relationship. Accept that other people have rights and focus on the good things in your relationship, not the negative. Appreciate your partner and learn to accept and value the differences between you.
Good Communication
Good communication is the foundation of a great relationship. However communication is not just about talking. You could sit your partner down and talk until the cows come home but it won’t get you anywhere unless you listen. In fact the art of listening is more important than the art of talking.
Good listening skills are vital to a healthy relationship so learn how to ‘actively listen’ to your partner. It’s important too to empathise with what they are saying. Never dismiss what they are saying even if you don’t agree with it. Don’t worry if this doesn’t happen in your relationship because the good news is that good communication can be learned. This is something I will teach you as part of relationship and couples counselling.
